Tuesday, September 25

The World Can Wait


It had to happen, I guess. The day when my oldest refused to let go of her strangle hold around my neck as she sobbed, "Don't go Mommy. I don't want you to go," sniff, sob, sniff. "PLEASE! Don't go..."

My heart was aching for her, my guilt at choosing to go back to work was rising, thick in my throat. Impatience or hurrying off to work weren't options. In that moment the reality of it all became very clear to me. Yes, I made this choice. And, yes, my choice is impacting my family.

But it is the right choice.

I will help her adjust and there is nothing more important to me than my children. Not this choice nor this job and I will take the time and patience to reassure and comfort her through this enormous change.

The job can wait - I can be late. This moment counts, I realized. Slow down and focus 100% on her and help make this moment a memorable, loving one. Not a forced confrontation, showdown or ditch and run.

Somehow I did it. I held it together and focused on her - not on my self-indulgent guilt or desire to put a quick end to a public outcry. I focused on her angst, confusion, frustration and sense of loss caused by this huge shift in her life. It would have been easier, in the short run, to ditch and run but it wouldn't have been fair or helpful.

And the moment came to a soft conclusion and I know she understood that I understood her, heard her and love her. She understood that, while this is tough, school is something that she has to do and I was able to leave once she was calm, as she cuddled Anna and 'read' a story to her sister.

She listened. She believed. She knows that I love her and will always be there for her. I will take the time - I will make things right. When she needs me I will ask the rest of the world to wait - and she knows that.


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