Thursday, January 14


Heavy decisions about our family's future. To stay where we're perfectly happy and integrated into the community. Both with good jobs, friends, hobbies. The girls love their school, their Daisy Troops, their friends. Or to move to Boulder. A place I've never been. A place that has cold and snowy winters and a whole lot of unknowns.

Doesn't seem like a great decision to make.

I may be just trying to escape my job - which I really do like and am doing well at. But it may go the way of others and end anyway so maybe I'll just clip the cord first.

Seems hasty.


Sunday, January 3

Giving the ultimate thanks

Not sure why - but one of the scariest moments in my life sprang to my mind today. The day that my placenta tore. The day that they told me there was nothing they could do. It would either repair itself or it wouldn't. Our baby would either continue to grow in the warmth of my womb, or her tenuous grasp would slip and we would lose her. There was nothing they could do. 

I sat there, bleeding, waiting for the doctor to come. But he didn't come. The bleeding stopped and they attempted to send this terrified, horrified mother home. 

No. She wouldn't go. The bleeding starting again and this mom demanded to see a physician. ("If the doctor on call is too busy, find me one who isn't!!")

A physician finally arrived and did an ultra sound. "The baby's heart is still beating. She's still there. You haven't lost her (yet)."

And so, we went home, scared that this little life we had tried so hard to create would slip away from us.

We waited. We waited, hoping nothing would happen. There would be no more bleeding. There would be no more cramping. That our little baby would hang onto that uterine wall, that the placenta tear would heal itself, and that nothing would happen to that little life growing inside of me.

And she was spared. She continued to grow and thrive, and today she is our 6 year-old little Alex. Full of life, wonder, and joy.

She is a miracle.


Saturday, January 2

Contemplating 2010


Our life is pretty terrific. We don't want for much. Not that we're in any way wealthy - just pretty happy. Our basic needs are met, and we have enough extras to make our work seem worthwhile and make our choices seem on track.

And now we're thinking about shaking it up. Making a big move that would change everything. I'm oddly attracted to the idea of change. Almost for the sake of change itself.

I'm sure there's some benefit to routine - though looking back, I've never really had a routine for long. Five years in one spot is as long as I've lived anywhere since living home. Granted, all but one of these addresses have been in San Diego. Still, each was significantly different.

This change is a bit more calculated for our family than one I would have made in my single days. Weighing all the options, pros and cons, and (maybe to Dave's dismay) discussing it ad naseum.

Whatever we decide, the plus is that nothing is written in stone and it's nothing that can't be undone - with a little effort. Though, once the decision is made I can't rely on this escape hatch. I've got to go into this as a final decision and bring our happiness along for the ride.


2010 could be a very interesting year.