Saturday, December 26

Christmas 2009


This Christmas was stress free; warm, loving, not rushed, not worried about money, not pressed with family drama or underlying angst. Just what Christmas should be.

Last year I began setting the boundaries. I knew I would be hit with some resistance, and I've long since learned that I can't manage crazy. But this time my family (Cindy and my mom) topped themselves. After letting my mom know that, no it wasn't OK to come to our house early Christmas morning with Ace dressed as Santa, and no we wouldn't be serving them dinner - another day would be great - just not on Christmas morning - both my mom and Cindy started with the silent treatment. Because they didn't get what they wanted, when they wanted, regardless of our plans for our family, we we're extricated from the family. I didn't hear from my mom again until some time in late February. She blew off Christmas and Alex's birthday - as punishment. And I never spoke to Cindy. My mom "translated" the information to her and she hasn't spoken to me since. Didn't return the calls that I placed to her to talk about plans for Christmas - nope, she just stopped talking to me. Because - hey it was really all about the kids and if she can't do what she wants to do, when she wants to do it -then she'll never see or talk to the kids or her sister ever again. So that brings us back to "can't manage crazy."

So last Christmas was spent with angst and heartache, stress and drama. It took me most of that year to come the realization that Cindy is as toxic and emotionally dangerous as she is damaged.

Looking forward


My life is pretty good. Really good. I have an incredible husband, two beautiful little girls, a house that is truly a home, friends, a good job. Call me crazy - but I'm ready for a change. I'm ready to shake something up. Not sure what.

An option that popped up on Christmas Eve: Uproot the family and move to Boulder in pursuit of a career move for Dave. What would all that mean to me? To our family?

Downside - EVERYTHING changes and potential for me to hit the skids like I did in Washington, D.C.. It's FREAKIN' cold there.

Upside - I could be a stay at home mom, start a photog. business, buy a bigger house, experience a new life, learn to ski, make new friends.

And the list goes on.

Oh what to do...,


Sunday, December 13

Being a true friend means loving in spite of our flaws. Forgiving, even when it hurts. Being truthful, but respecting the other's feelings. Loving with all that you are, and not expecting anything in return. At times it means that you are that person's strength, rock, knot, shelter. Other times it means that you listen and say nothing, just ... See Morelisten, even though you want to scream at the top of your lungs that they are making the wrong decision, but loving them even though they do. Being a freind means bringing out the best in someone, by being the best that you are. The greatest gift is the gift of love and friendship and not placing any expectations on what it is, or what it can be, just that it is...

A sudden scare...,

Off to bed with a stuffy nose and the sniffles, hours later Rachel wakes up crying with a barking cough. She began gasping for air and for one horrible moment it seemed like she couldn't breath. I grabbed her from her bed and, checking for blue lips on the way, we rush her to the bath to run the hot steam. Rachel's calm now and trying to sleep. Not sure that will come any time soon for momma!