Saturday, February 27

My LIttle Girl

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Gotta hold on easy as I let you go
Gonna tell you how much I love you though you think you already know
I remember I thought you looked like an angel wrapped in pink so soft and warm
You’ve had me wrapped around your finger since the day you were born

You beautiful baby from the outside in
Chase your dreams but always know the road that'll lead you home again
Go on take on this old world but to me you know you will always be
My little girl

When you were in trouble that crooked little smile would melt my heart of stone
Now look at you I’ve turned around and you’ve almost grown
Sometimes your asleep I whisper I love you in the moonlight at your door
As I walk away I hear you say “daddy love you more”

You beautiful baby from the outside in
Chase your dreams but always know the road that'll lead you home again
Go on take on this old world but to me you know you will always be
My little girl

Someday some boy will come and ask me for your hand
But I won’t say yes to him unless I know
He’s the half that makes you whole
He has a poets soul
And the heart of a mans man
I know he’ll say that he’s in love, but between you and me
He won’t be good enough

You beautiful baby from the outside in
Chase your dreams but always know the road that'll lead you home again
Go on take on this old world but to me you know you will always be
My little girl

 ~ Tim McGraw ~

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Saturday, February 13

Movies and Bandaids

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Movie night with my girls is a salve for the wounds of my childhood.

I don't remember a night when my mom cuddled with me, or held me as we watched a movie together. I don't remember her soothing my wounds or easing my heartache. Maybe she did and its just been lost with all the other craziness.

As I hold my girls, not only am I giving to and loving my girls from a place within my soul, but at the same time my soul is healing. Healing from the wounds of childhood - and even the more recent wounds heaped on top of those at the hands of a sister who didn't escape childhood with any less wounds, and hasn't found her own salve in adulthood.

Snuggling on the couch with my girls, and holding my hubby's hand, a tear rolls down my cheek. I am soooo blessed. So lucky to get a second chance at mother-daughter-sister love and acceptance. It's an amazing, healing gift.

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Sunday, February 7

Change...,

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I've been languishing for a couple of months. Restless and wondering "What's next?"

Work's fine - humming along. Truth be told, I could do my job in my sleep. But I really like the people and the flexibility that the job gives me - not to mention the paycheck. But stimulating and/or challenging, it is not.

And the personal life? Well, that's humming along too; a nice balance of mom friends and work friends, old friends and new friends.

Of course you know how I feel about my hubby and kids. There are no words to adequately express how wonderful and fulfilling my home life is.

It seems like forever ago that I wrote about "the equation," and how important it was that every member of the family mattered in the family equation.

At that time, my life was out of balance. Skewed one way, with little or no me in the picture. That was just a little less than three years ago. And since that time I've turned it around. With the support of Dave, I've created a life in which we all matter. Not in equal parts ALL the time, but with an ebb and flow that works really well for us.

I'm at peace and happier than I've ever been.

Sooooo, about two months ago, I decided "let's mix it up a bit."

It all started with a phone call from Dave's old boss, Anke. She's very aware of his precarious situation with the grant funding for his current organization, and knows his work well. She called to tell him about a job that she thought would be great for himin Boulder, CO.

Dave, mentioning it to me in passing, was surprised at my level of interest in this new possibility. And has since been toying, pretty seriously with the idea of relocating.

For my part, I've done enough research on Boulder that I could write a term paper on the place. Sounds beautiful, and shares the same liberal bent that we do. The issue? 83" of snow annually!! That sort of freaks me out a bit - I hate the cold.

What's holding my interest?
  • The possibility of a bigger house - with a basement and a big bath tub.
  • The opportunity to re-invent myself - from PR maven to photographic artist.
  • The opportunity to spend more time with my kids.
  • The opportunity to prove that I can do it!! And do it well!!

We'll be traveling to Boulder in two weeks, staying with friends and checking out this new opportunity. We'll visit the new organization. We'll tour the town and visit neighborhoods and schools.

The opportunity is at once exhilarating and unnerving.

Only time will tell.

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