Thursday, November 26

Thanksgiving Day

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I am thankful for the past. All the people and experiences that came before. The people who loved me and the people who hurt me. (Sometimes one in the same.) And the experiences; the triumphs and failures and everything in between.

If it weren't for those, I would not be here today, so very thankful for the present. My wonderful husband and two incredible little girls. Our life is pretty great.

And I'm thankful for the future. It's endless potential and unknowns. Dreams to fulfill and heartaches to weather. All of it with my family by my side. Life doesn't get any better than that.
**

Wednesday, November 25

Skittle Pics - Portrait photography

The name of my new business.

Skittle Pics - Portrait photography.

Yep. I like it!

Monday, November 23

Pondering My Parenting

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Alex is 6 1/2 and Rachel is 4, and already I feel our closeness is slipping.

Is it the two years I've been back at work and the girls have been in school and after-school care?

It it the normal progression of child development, stretching their wings and developing a natural, healthy sense of autonomy?

Is it the time that I spend on the computer, or on the phone, work at home, or other household chores - when I tell them "In a minute...," "I just need to finish this..." "Girls can you just play by yourselves for a little while....?"

Whatever it is, it makes me sad and anxious to preserve what we have, or rebuild what we've lost. A little more focused time with the girls, a little less time on the computer, a little less distractions from work and other things less important.

I'll do my best to live with this in mind:

"How different our lives are when we really know what is deeply important to us. By keeping that picture in mind, we manage ourselves each day to be and to do what really matters most."
~ Noreen Bristow ~

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It's all about perspective

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"Rachel, hon, your shorts are on backwards."

Hmmm. Rachel looks down. Perplexed for a moment.

She quickly spins around backward, grins over her shoulder and says, "Now they're not!"

**

Friday, November 13

Days are slipping by...,

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Alex is 6, and Rachel is 5.

I'm working full time.

From 7:40 in the morning to 5 in the evening, I'm away from my girls. Nine hours a day away and just a few hours a day with them. And those hours are so often interrupted with phone calls and computer use, household details and chores.

I sit at my desk, writing talking points, press releases, taking part in conference calls. All of which would go on smoothly without me. I do a good job, people are happy with my work. But it would all go on smoothly without me.

That's not true of my family, but I'm not giving my best to them. They're getting what's left.

The days are passing too quickly and we'll never get them back. It's time to reassess.
**

Saturday, November 7

Maybe it's the wine...,

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Tonight was our first family movie night. Rachel, Alex, Dave, Ollie and I all curled up in the living room with popcorn and drinks watching "Hotel for Dogs."

Alex and I sobbing. Those poor kids. All they had were each other. Each other and the dogs they found on the street. Together they made a family.

My heart strings were pulled on soooo many levels. Too many to enumerate here - and a little too clouded by the wine. But I wonder what brought Alex to tears. She's always been more empathetic than her years, but I wish I could crawl inside her head in these moments and feel and understand.

She's special. I'm just not sure I know the extent of how special she really is.

**

Thursday, November 5

Tuesday, November 3

The List

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My list seems to be getting longer, while my days seem to be getting shorter.

I've taken on a few too many obligations, said yes a few too many times, and now I'm in a pickle. My plate is too full and there's still more that I want to do.

Choice and priorities. My true life's purpose? My family.

That's not to say that I don't matter in the equation. As we already know - going down that road is lonely and unfulfilling path for me, which is ultimately bad for our family.

It's that quintessential thing called balance that I (and every other mom that I know) is looking for.

I have to wonder if this thing called "balance" is really attainable - or if what it's really about is changing expectations, patience and rearranging priorities.

Maybe it's not about balance, Maybe it's about realizing that while it maybe possible to have it all or do it all, it's not possible to have it all (or do it all) all at once.

**