Monday, June 14

Knock - Knock...,

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Rachel's first joke...,

"Momma?"

"Yes, hun?"

"Why did the TV cross the road?"

"I don't know. Why?"

"Because it wanted to be a flat screen!"

BWAAA HAAAA HAAAAA!!!!

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Friday, June 11

My kids ROCK!!

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Today for no reason at all, my kids served me breakfast in bed w/ oatmeal, cinnamon toast and coffee. AWESOME!!!!

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Thursday, June 10

Another chapter...,

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Still Woman, Wife, Mom, but combining all the life that I want to live with my husband, children and friends doesn't really leave much time for a full scale, traditional career. Or so I've learned these past three years. So, here I go, once again into an unknown landscape. This time as an aspiring photographer, full time WWM, and fulfillment seeker.

I'm in this great place - free to pursue my love of photography and available to be present in my daily relationships outside of an office. It's such a great gift. The gift of time, and the freedom to to what *I* want to with it.

As we head off to Boulder, I imagine trying on several different hats before I find one that's feels almost molded for my head. One that fits snugly enough as to not be blown off w/ a strong wind, but not so tight that it pinches by head. The perfect hat, snug and warm on cool days, cool on hot days. One that I can take off from time to time, and, after a long-ish absence, it will fit just as perfectly as the day I took it off.

The beauty is, there is no rush. I'm going to resist the urge to immediately find my path and settle in. I'm going to take my time and enjoy each day-remembering to be present and in the moment.

I imagine trying to cook, volunteering in the kids school, volunteering with people in need, using my photography in a charitable way, studying photography and light, trying my hand at meditation, trying my hand in the kitchen, mucking stalls and spending time with horses, and so much more.....,

I'm open to all possibilities. I'm excited and apprehensive about leaving the safety of the prescribed life. Uprooting the family, away from the land of the sun to snowy Colorado..., It's ALL new - except for the most important constants in my life - Dave, Rachel and Alex.

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Tuesday, June 8

struggles

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Maybe I'm alone in this - but I can't seem to come to grips with the fact that my friend is a husband stealer and that my other friend is the husband she has stolen. Yes, they are both culpable - but somehow she is more the guilty party. Her marriage was already over, and his had hit a rough spot - though not necessarily fatal, until the affair that is.

Hmmm. Why has this upset me so? I think it's because it seems that all around me marriages are crumbling. As often as not because of cheating - but for other reasons too. Noted that people in good marriages don't typically cheat - but the cheating quickly douses most if not all hopes of saving the marriage.

Are all marriages doomed to suffer this fate - and if so, why does anyone get married? How can I insulate my own marriage from this fate?

I think that's the crux of my emotional reaction. That I too will someday find myself facing this gut-wrenching pain. A pain that I don't think De Anna is feeling. She has by-passed the pain by having an affair - grabbing someone else's husband to hang onto - one that will cushion the blow.

It's unforgiveable.

Days go by...,

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We're just a few days away from Rachel's surgery. The stress and worry that I've anticipated for years hasn't hit. I'm interested in the ease at which we're pursuing this course of action. I'm fascinated by my own lack of fear and fret. We've put her in the best possible hands and couldn't have done better for her. I believe this will go well and we have tremendous support.


Somewhere down there is the fear - but I'm working hard not to give energy and power to that little echo in the distance.

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