The closest of friends aren't after kids.
I was told. "Life changes," knowing moms patiently explained. "Everything. In ways you can't imagine and your friendships can take the biggest hit."
No. Not me - not my friendship with my best friend, a woman that I had known for more than a decade, a woman who I considered a surrogate sister. No. It won't happen. She and I are too close - surely she will stand by me as we always have for each other in the past. She'll be almost as excited about our kids as Dave and I are. She'll love them like the dear aunt that she will be.
What I've learned is that change is inevitable and some truisms are just inescapable.
We just aren't as close as we once were. She has avoided spending time with me when I'm with the girls on more than a few occasions and, while I intellectually understand, I am still more than a bit offended. I know spending time with little ones when you don't have any of your own, and never wanted any of your own may sometimes be a bit tedious but my kids are a part of me - love me, love them. She's also become short and terse more often than a friend should have to deal with.
This part of motherhood - this change - this loss - has been the saddest of all. I've bemoaned the situation, whined about, gripped about it and, finally, mourned and grieved this loss.
Our friendship will never be the same. And now? I'm just letting it go and accepting it within its new boundaries. It won't ever be what it was - but it will continue to be something special, something meaningful - but something different.
