Momma

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390 times a day I hear the word "Momma."

After staying with us for the weekend, Julia said next time she's here she's going to keep count. "That would drive me NUTs," she said.

It's become so much a part of my daily life that I don't even notice, but I realized that someday they'll be gone and I won't hear "Momma" countless times a day, every day. The thought of my world becoming oddly silent without it made me sad.

"Momma"

That little word expresses so much. Love. Need. Hurt. Want. Kindness.

To be needed and loved and appreciated - there is nothing more wonderful in this life. It makes it all worthwhile.

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OK - The kids are settled. Dave is settled. Now it's time to start my new life in Colorado.

I read a quote on a friends FaceBook page today; "The only thing that stands between a person and what they want in life is often merely the will to try it and the faith to believe its possible."

Couldn't have said it better. I dream of building a photography business and creating beautiful images that people will cherish for a life time and the only thing standing between me and my dream is my fear.

*sigh*

I need a plan, a time line...,

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Happy Birthday Baby

Rachel's Birthday Spa Celebration - how to make a free slideshow

the next surgery

There is the dreaded probability that she'll need a second surgery to improve her hearing. Oh - I'm dreading this. The first surgery she went into with excitement for her ear piercing, without fear because she had no idea what to expect.

Missing the Pictures

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OK, we've been in Colorado for a month now. The girls are getting settled into their new school and making new friends. Dave is getting settled into his new job, wrapping his head around the new challenges and differing personalities.

Dave is happy. Alex and Rachel's transition is moving along, though Rachel had a few struggles early on. I'm amazingly happy too, but I haven't picked up a camera seriously since we left California. I miss the view of the world through the lens, the challenge of manipulating the light and creating images of  multi-dimensional personalities in a two-dimensional medium.

It's time....,

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Treasuring the ones you love...,

Normal day,

let me be aware of the treasure you are.

Let me learn from you,

love you,

bless you before you depart.

Let me not pass you by

in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow.

Let me hold you while I may,

for it may not always be so.

One day I shall dig my nails into the earth,

or bury my face in the pillow,

or stretch myself taut,

or raise my hands to the sky and want,

more than all the world, your return.

~Mary Jean Iron

Progress??

Regrets and worries marked this first day of school for me
Trepidation and anxiety for Rachel
Nervous excitement for Alex

Rachel's new ear. It's supposed to be this wonderful thing - but I'm not sure it is. She was fine before. Her ear was this cute little nub. She couldn't hear out of it - but it didn't seem to bother her at all. We did what we thought was best - we got it fixed. Functionally and asthetically (in theory).

But now that the surgery is behind us - I'm not so sure. There has been more attention called to her ear after the surgery than before, and the jury is still out on her hearing. The new ear is far more noticeable than the 'missing' ear ever was. It's big, gooey looking from the ointment, and different colors. Other children stare and inquire. One little girl was actually pretty nasty about it - but Momma Bear set her straight pretty quickly.

But I won't always be with Rachel, to fend off the stares and comments. At her old school, she was pretty tough. Confident and secure, with lots of friends, Rachel was better able or better prepared to fend for her self and verbally knock down the nastiness. But in her new school, with no friends, she's unsure and alone and scared. Her confidence is lacking and it makes her so vulnerable.

I fended off the comments and stares as well as I could this morning. I saw little Lennon staring intently at Lil' Ray's new ear, and true to form, I addressed it head on. "That's her new ear," I said. "Isn't it cool. The doctors gave her a new ear from the inside out - Cool, huh?"

"What happened to her other ear?" Lennon asked, as other kids started listening and looking.

"She was born without one," I explained. "and the doctors had to make a new one - from the ear drum out. And she got her ears pierced too."

Lennon continued to stare. Not quite sure what to make of it. "I think it's cute," one of the little girls said. "Cool!" said one of the boys.

After a few more sentences, Rachel pulled me close and, with a sad little look on her face said, "Momma, I don't want you to tell every one."

"OK, babe. I'm sorry. But you DO have the coolest ear in the school!"

"I know momma, but I just don't want you to tell everyone."

*sigh*

Rachel's my kid who doesn't like being the center of attention - good or bad. She's the kid who develops a few solid friendships, with many at the periphery - but a few loyal, close friends. She's smart and generous, but seems to draw her outward confidence and security from those relationships. (Oh little Corinnie! Where are you?!? Today would have been so different had we stayed in Poway :-(  )

I'm hopeful that the end of today will bring smiles and the beginnings of new friendships.

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McClendon Maternity Portraits

Knock - Knock...,

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Rachel's first joke...,

"Momma?"

"Yes, hun?"

"Why did the TV cross the road?"

"I don't know. Why?"

"Because it wanted to be a flat screen!"

BWAAA HAAAA HAAAAA!!!!

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My kids ROCK!!

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Today for no reason at all, my kids served me breakfast in bed w/ oatmeal, cinnamon toast and coffee. AWESOME!!!!

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