**
This Christmas was stress free; warm, loving, not rushed, not worried about money, not pressed with family drama or underlying angst. Just what Christmas should be.
Last year I began setting the boundaries. I knew I would be hit with some resistance, and I've long since learned that I can't manage crazy. But this time my family (Cindy and my mom) topped themselves. After letting my mom know that, no it wasn't OK to come to our house early Christmas morning with Ace dressed as Santa, and no we wouldn't be serving them dinner - another day would be great - just not on Christmas morning - both my mom and Cindy started with the silent treatment. Because they didn't get what they wanted, when they wanted, regardless of our plans for our family, we we're extricated from the family. I didn't hear from my mom again until some time in late February. She blew off Christmas and Alex's birthday - as punishment. And I never spoke to Cindy. My mom "translated" the information to her and she hasn't spoken to me since. Didn't return the calls that I placed to her to talk about plans for Christmas - nope, she just stopped talking to me. Because - hey it was really all about the kids and if she can't do what she wants to do, when she wants to do it -then she'll never see or talk to the kids or her sister ever again. So that brings us back to "can't manage crazy."
So last Christmas was spent with angst and heartache, stress and drama. It took me most of that year to come the realization that Cindy is as toxic and emotionally dangerous as she is damaged.
Saturday, December 26
Looking forward
**
My life is pretty good. Really good. I have an incredible husband, two beautiful little girls, a house that is truly a home, friends, a good job. Call me crazy - but I'm ready for a change. I'm ready to shake something up. Not sure what.
An option that popped up on Christmas Eve: Uproot the family and move to Boulder in pursuit of a career move for Dave. What would all that mean to me? To our family?
Downside - EVERYTHING changes and potential for me to hit the skids like I did in Washington, D.C.. It's FREAKIN' cold there.
Upside - I could be a stay at home mom, start a photog. business, buy a bigger house, experience a new life, learn to ski, make new friends.
And the list goes on.
Oh what to do...,
**
My life is pretty good. Really good. I have an incredible husband, two beautiful little girls, a house that is truly a home, friends, a good job. Call me crazy - but I'm ready for a change. I'm ready to shake something up. Not sure what.
An option that popped up on Christmas Eve: Uproot the family and move to Boulder in pursuit of a career move for Dave. What would all that mean to me? To our family?
Downside - EVERYTHING changes and potential for me to hit the skids like I did in Washington, D.C.. It's FREAKIN' cold there.
Upside - I could be a stay at home mom, start a photog. business, buy a bigger house, experience a new life, learn to ski, make new friends.
And the list goes on.
Oh what to do...,
**
Sunday, December 13
Being a true friend means loving in spite of our flaws. Forgiving, even when it hurts. Being truthful, but respecting the other's feelings. Loving with all that you are, and not expecting anything in return. At times it means that you are that person's strength, rock, knot, shelter. Other times it means that you listen and say nothing, just ... See Morelisten, even though you want to scream at the top of your lungs that they are making the wrong decision, but loving them even though they do. Being a freind means bringing out the best in someone, by being the best that you are. The greatest gift is the gift of love and friendship and not placing any expectations on what it is, or what it can be, just that it is...
A sudden scare...,
**
Off to bed with a stuffy nose and the sniffles, hours later Rachel wakes up crying with a barking cough. She began gasping for air and for one horrible moment it seemed like she couldn't breath. I grabbed her from her bed and, checking for blue lips on the way, we rush her to the bath to run the hot steam. Rachel's calm now and trying to sleep. Not sure that will come any time soon for momma!
**
Off to bed with a stuffy nose and the sniffles, hours later Rachel wakes up crying with a barking cough. She began gasping for air and for one horrible moment it seemed like she couldn't breath. I grabbed her from her bed and, checking for blue lips on the way, we rush her to the bath to run the hot steam. Rachel's calm now and trying to sleep. Not sure that will come any time soon for momma!
**
Thursday, November 26
Thanksgiving Day
**
I am thankful for the past. All the people and experiences that came before. The people who loved me and the people who hurt me. (Sometimes one in the same.) And the experiences; the triumphs and failures and everything in between.
If it weren't for those, I would not be here today, so very thankful for the present. My wonderful husband and two incredible little girls. Our life is pretty great.
And I'm thankful for the future. It's endless potential and unknowns. Dreams to fulfill and heartaches to weather. All of it with my family by my side. Life doesn't get any better than that.
**
I am thankful for the past. All the people and experiences that came before. The people who loved me and the people who hurt me. (Sometimes one in the same.) And the experiences; the triumphs and failures and everything in between.
If it weren't for those, I would not be here today, so very thankful for the present. My wonderful husband and two incredible little girls. Our life is pretty great.
And I'm thankful for the future. It's endless potential and unknowns. Dreams to fulfill and heartaches to weather. All of it with my family by my side. Life doesn't get any better than that.
**
Wednesday, November 25
Skittle Pics - Portrait photography
The name of my new business.
Skittle Pics - Portrait photography.
Yep. I like it!
Skittle Pics - Portrait photography.
Yep. I like it!
Monday, November 23
Pondering My Parenting
**
Alex is 6 1/2 and Rachel is 4, and already I feel our closeness is slipping.
Is it the two years I've been back at work and the girls have been in school and after-school care?
It it the normal progression of child development, stretching their wings and developing a natural, healthy sense of autonomy?
Is it the time that I spend on the computer, or on the phone, work at home, or other household chores - when I tell them "In a minute...," "I just need to finish this..." "Girls can you just play by yourselves for a little while....?"
Whatever it is, it makes me sad and anxious to preserve what we have, or rebuild what we've lost. A little more focused time with the girls, a little less time on the computer, a little less distractions from work and other things less important.
I'll do my best to live with this in mind:
"How different our lives are when we really know what is deeply important to us. By keeping that picture in mind, we manage ourselves each day to be and to do what really matters most."
~ Noreen Bristow ~
**
Alex is 6 1/2 and Rachel is 4, and already I feel our closeness is slipping.
Is it the two years I've been back at work and the girls have been in school and after-school care?
It it the normal progression of child development, stretching their wings and developing a natural, healthy sense of autonomy?
Is it the time that I spend on the computer, or on the phone, work at home, or other household chores - when I tell them "In a minute...," "I just need to finish this..." "Girls can you just play by yourselves for a little while....?"
Whatever it is, it makes me sad and anxious to preserve what we have, or rebuild what we've lost. A little more focused time with the girls, a little less time on the computer, a little less distractions from work and other things less important.
I'll do my best to live with this in mind:
"How different our lives are when we really know what is deeply important to us. By keeping that picture in mind, we manage ourselves each day to be and to do what really matters most."
~ Noreen Bristow ~
**
It's all about perspective
**
"Rachel, hon, your shorts are on backwards."
Hmmm. Rachel looks down. Perplexed for a moment.
She quickly spins around backward, grins over her shoulder and says, "Now they're not!"
**
"Rachel, hon, your shorts are on backwards."
Hmmm. Rachel looks down. Perplexed for a moment.
She quickly spins around backward, grins over her shoulder and says, "Now they're not!"
**
Friday, November 13
Days are slipping by...,
**
Alex is 6, and Rachel is 5.
I'm working full time.
From 7:40 in the morning to 5 in the evening, I'm away from my girls. Nine hours a day away and just a few hours a day with them. And those hours are so often interrupted with phone calls and computer use, household details and chores.
I sit at my desk, writing talking points, press releases, taking part in conference calls. All of which would go on smoothly without me. I do a good job, people are happy with my work. But it would all go on smoothly without me.
That's not true of my family, but I'm not giving my best to them. They're getting what's left.
The days are passing too quickly and we'll never get them back. It's time to reassess.
**
Alex is 6, and Rachel is 5.
I'm working full time.
From 7:40 in the morning to 5 in the evening, I'm away from my girls. Nine hours a day away and just a few hours a day with them. And those hours are so often interrupted with phone calls and computer use, household details and chores.
I sit at my desk, writing talking points, press releases, taking part in conference calls. All of which would go on smoothly without me. I do a good job, people are happy with my work. But it would all go on smoothly without me.
That's not true of my family, but I'm not giving my best to them. They're getting what's left.
The days are passing too quickly and we'll never get them back. It's time to reassess.
**
Saturday, November 7
Maybe it's the wine...,
**
Tonight was our first family movie night. Rachel, Alex, Dave, Ollie and I all curled up in the living room with popcorn and drinks watching "Hotel for Dogs."
Alex and I sobbing. Those poor kids. All they had were each other. Each other and the dogs they found on the street. Together they made a family.
My heart strings were pulled on soooo many levels. Too many to enumerate here - and a little too clouded by the wine. But I wonder what brought Alex to tears. She's always been more empathetic than her years, but I wish I could crawl inside her head in these moments and feel and understand.
She's special. I'm just not sure I know the extent of how special she really is.
**
Tonight was our first family movie night. Rachel, Alex, Dave, Ollie and I all curled up in the living room with popcorn and drinks watching "Hotel for Dogs."
Alex and I sobbing. Those poor kids. All they had were each other. Each other and the dogs they found on the street. Together they made a family.
My heart strings were pulled on soooo many levels. Too many to enumerate here - and a little too clouded by the wine. But I wonder what brought Alex to tears. She's always been more empathetic than her years, but I wish I could crawl inside her head in these moments and feel and understand.
She's special. I'm just not sure I know the extent of how special she really is.
**
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