Knock - Knock...,

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Rachel's first joke...,

"Momma?"

"Yes, hun?"

"Why did the TV cross the road?"

"I don't know. Why?"

"Because it wanted to be a flat screen!"

BWAAA HAAAA HAAAAA!!!!

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It's all about perspective

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"Rachel, hon, your shorts are on backwards."

Hmmm. Rachel looks down. Perplexed for a moment.

She quickly spins around backward, grins over her shoulder and says, "Now they're not!"

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Discoveries

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Bath time with a 4-year old...,

"Hee, hee. I just tooted and it made bubbles." Giggle, giggle.

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What???

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Momma?

Yes Ray?

Have you ever seen a cat explode?

Wha...??

OK. She might need therapy earlier then most...,
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Out of the mouths of babes...,

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We order dinner and then I take the girls to go potty.

"Mommy," says little Ray-Ray.

"Yes, honey?"

"My bottom doesn't cover the whole thing like yours does."

"Thanks for the observation, Ray. Thanks!"

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Pay Attention

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Alex: "OK, Rachel. When we get home, I'll feed Tink and you give her water."

Rachel: "NO! I'll give her water and YOU feed her!"

Alex: "MMOOOMMM!! I said I wanted to feed her!

Dad, very calmly: "Girls. If you're going to argue, at least pay attention."

I almost had to pull the car over I was laughing so hard.

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Kidlet Quip

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"Mom?"

"Yes, Alex?"

"You know those bumps on your tongue?"

"Yeah?"

"They're taste bugs."

We burst out laughing and Alex just looked confused. "They're taste bugs," she insisted. "They're for tasting food."

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Dinner Conversation

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A: "Mommy I want to tell you about my friends. They're invisible."

M: "Invisible?"

A: "Yeah. They're bears and they only come at night after everyone's asleep and only I can see them. No one else. Just me because their my secret friends."

R: "Do they roar like bears?"

A: "No. They're really quiet, almost like owls. They go in the garage and hunt mice, because that's what I tell them to do and they never come out when people are awake. Just me."

R: "I want to tell you about my invisible friends too. My invisible friends are tigers."

A: "YIKES!"

R: "No. Their quiet."

D: "Do they protect you?"

R: "No. They come in and dress themselves."

M: "In what?"

A: "Dresses and skirts."

**

Conversing with Ray

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“Mommy?”

“Yes?”

“Babies are in your belly so they don’t get lost.”

“So they don’t get lost?”

“Yep, so they don't get lost and when they’re in the tummy we don’t eat because the babies get scared.”

“Scared of what?”

“Of all the food that people swallow.”

“And what does the mommy do if she gets hungry?”

“They don’t eat because the baby gets scared and they don’t get hungry. When the baby is born we feed him and the mommy can eat too.”

“Hmm. How do babies get in the tummy, Rachel?”

“No problem.”

“What? How do they get in the tummy?”

“No problem.”

“Do they start in the belly?”

“Yep.”

“How do they get out?”

“They just push on the belly?”

“Who pushes on the belly, sweetie? The doctor?”

“The baby pushes on the tummy because he wants to get out.”

“Why?”

“The baby doesn’t like being in the tummy.”

“Why not?

“Because they want to be big girls.”

“They want to get out so they can be big girls?”

“Yeah, and they’re hungry.”

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Music Lessons

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"Alex, What musical instrument would you like to play?"

"The harmonica."

"No, silly. Like the guitar or the piano or the flute."

"The harmonica."

"Hon. I don't even know where you would take harmonica lessons."

"From the harmonica store."

Ahh - yes. The Harmonica Store.

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Retro...,

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"HAA-BWAAHHAAAHAA!!"

"Daddy! Mommy look!! HABAAHHAAAHAA"

"What Alex?"

"Look at his funny, spikey hair!!"

Oh - just try and guess what she was watching. Who had, arguably, the most ridiculous hair of all time? I'll give you a hint. One hit wonders of the 80s - Big group of birds that hang out at the beach.

**

A: sllugaes o kcolf

More Tidbits O' Kidlets

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"Mom?"

"hmm?"

"I can't think of who I'm going to marry."

As I turned to Dave, staring at him in disbelief, she added, "Can I marry another girl?"

OK - the 1st part of that sentence was far more troubling than the latter.

"Let's not start thinking about grown-up things yet! You're four!! Change. Subject. Need. New. Subject... Where is your bunny?!?!" is what was inside my head. But what I said was, "Yes. You can marry another girl, but you don't have to decide any of that just yet."

And, hopefully, when the time comes, if Alex or Rachel choose that path, the issue of girls marrying girls will no longer be an issue.

**

"Momma?"

"What, hon?"

"The elves did good."

"What?"

"The elves did good. They made me a good camera."

"Yes they did - the elves made you a very nice camera for Christmas."

"How did they do that? How can they make a camera?"

"The same way they..."

"Outsourcing."

Globalization at work - per DH.

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Tidbits o' Kidlets

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After my morning shower, I come out to the living room to find the girls reading Christmas stories with Daddy. They're also playing with the little Fisher Price nativity scene that Papa brought last year. (I'm pretty sure the wise men didn't really sleep in the palm trees - but you never know.)

"MOMMY!" they yell in unison.

"The girls really want to do the *T*R*E*E*."

"TREE!"

"Wh...? Alex?"

"TREE! Daddy said tree-spelled tree. Can we PLEASE help decorate the big tree?"

And just minutes later...

"Dave. Do you know what's in the mountains today?"

"*S*N*O*W*?"

"SNOW!!" Alex shrieks.

Hey that was pretty good - especially given that 'it never snows in Southern California,' and the last snow in her life was back in Virginia, before Rachel was born.

And then it hits us. The whole communicate by spelling in front of the kids thing is gone! No more easy parent code. At 4 & 1/2, she's on to us! Too quick for our own good.

**

"Mommy? Mommy?" my breathless little Rachel whispers as she wonders into the office 15 minutes AFTER we've put the girls to bed.

"Rachel? What is it?"

"Mommy. Mommy?" she seems very concerned about something.

"Yes?"

"You need to put the gate up in front of my door so I won't get up . Come put the gate up so I won't get out of bed."

And with that, she grabs my hand and takes me back down the hall, points to the gate and says, "There it is Mommy. You forgot." (Note that we don't usually use the gate.)

As I bite my tongue to keep from laughing out loud, Rachel watches me install the gate. She then gives me a kiss and is off to bed without whimper. Not to be seen or heard from again until morning.

She is a laugh riot!

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Out of the Mouths of Babes...,

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It's after bath, after 'the naked run,' and mommy is just finished getting the girls dressed for bed. Alex has picked out her book and, giggling, she calls out to Daddy in the next room...

"Daddy! Come read this book or you're FIRED!"

LOL!!

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Three Year Old Wisdom...

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"I just want to be myself when I grow up," Rachel told me today.

So simple - but wise beyond her years.

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Vintage Preschooler

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"Mom," Alex says in her littlest girl voice. "You're beautiful."

"Awe. How swee..."

"KIDDING!"

DOH! Deflated by a 4 year old!

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Conversations with Rachel

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"grrrrr," Rachel growls from the back seat as we're heading out for a play date with the twins.

I look back at her and she says, "I'm frustrated, grrrr."

'"What's wrong hun? Why are you frustrated?"

"You're driving me crazy!" she says.

"Me? What am I doing to drive you crazy?"

"You're freakin' me out!"

"Really?" stifling my laughter.

"Yes. You're a nut!"

I can't stand it anymore & I burst out laughing as Rachel responds again with "grrrr"

(Can you guess where she heard all those phrases??)

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Kids Say the Darndest Things on Vacation...,

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4 out of 5 girls in the bathtub and Maggie announces, “Look. Rachel’s havin’ fun with her vagina!”

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“Come on, let’s go up to the waterfall.”
“Yeah, and maybe we can slide down. Maybe naked!” Alex, one of my little nudists!

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A random statement made by little 4 year old Callie, “I don’t have a penis!”

(Fascination with body parts. That's what happens when you get little girl cousins together with little boy cousins.)

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While taking a short ride on the boat after dinner, Rachel takes hold of Aunt Dorreen’s wrist, looks at her watch and exclaims, “Hey! It’s six o’clock. It’s time for DANCE PARTY!!”

“OK,” and Aunt Doreen stood up and started dancing.

“No. No. You sit down. We’re dancing.”


**

A few vacation snippets....,,

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Day 1: Attack of the yellow jackets.
Alex discovered a nest of yellow jackets. Or they discovered her – not sure which. But they were NOT happy. She was stung twice and I came running when she started SCREAMING! She had no idea what it was but she was in pain and wanted it to stop. When I got to her Dave was pulling one off of her shoulder. She had taken a sting in the arm and one in the head before I rushed her into the house (Calling over my shoulder, “Could someone grab my coffee?” OK – clearly I wasn’t panicked.)

Once inside – I began rinsing her with cold water and, as I went to get ice discovered one of those nasty little bugs had found its way up my floor-length skirt and I took a sting to the upper thigh. While I was hopping up and down, shaking my skirt trying to free the little bastard, Dave also got stung.

CRAP! These little buggers were pissed and were letting us know it. Grandma got two stings too – thus sealing the fate of the yellow jackets.

That night Dave and Doreen poured gasoline down the hole containing the nest and that was the end of the yellow jackets! That’ll teach them to attack UP the evolutionary chain!

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After one day with all five little girls and the in-laws, Dave and I escape. We arrive at the lake house ready for two days of secluded bliss before the rest of the gang joins us.

Ahhhh. Relaxation.

……, hmmmm.

Still relaxing.

Now realizing that I’m not actually all that good at relaxing. Seems like I should be doing something ….

“Ah. Dave…?”

**
Saturday morning – a night to ourselves and a morning w/out little ones crawling into our bed (something I LOVE BTW) and the ability to sleep VERY late and lie in bed snuggling and daydreaming.

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After a day of exploring the local waterfalls, Dave and I called the girls to say good night and Rachel said in the sweetest little voice ever, “I’m just going to go to bed without giving you a hug.” My heart melted.

Alex, having too much fun to be bothered, simply yelled “Good night” from the other room.

**
And on day 4 we did the stereotypical small southern town thang. (Read w/ southern accent.) We went to the waffle house for waffles, grits, and bacon and then we hauled it over to the Walmart for some shopping.

Our waitress's name was actually 'Red.' She was classic. Chatty, extraordinarily nice, and VERY southern. She called us 'Hun' and 'Sweety' and Rachel and Alex "were just the cutest little things." Pure southern charm.

**
Alex, exhausted from 6 days without enough sleep and memories of the yellow jacket attack, freaked out at ANY flying bug or speck of dust that flew within two feet of her. She was panicked and seemingly terrified beyond all logic. This child isn’t even afraid of injections! And now she was horrified by any little thing flying nearby.

After explaining reality, “Yes, bees sting. It’s not likely that you’ll get stung – you might, but not likely. You’re missing all the fun. I’m sure the bees won’t ‘bug’ you,” she didn’t see the humor nor was she at all comforted by my logic.

Nope. She was still hysterical. See for yourself….,


At this point, she was beyond consoling. I took her away from the beach area – as much to get her away from bugs as to stop myself from drowning her to stop the wailing.

I took her to the picnic table, covered her in t-shirts to ‘protect her,' and told her that I was off to talk with the Queen Bee to “work something out.” As I left she started SCREAMING again and didn’t want to be left alone.

Less than a minute later I returned and explained my ‘deal’ with the Queen Bee. “The Queen agreed to talk to her kids and tell them not to sting if Alex would stop screaming and scaring her kids. In exchange,” I explained to Alex, “I promised the Queen that we would leave a small bowl of sugar on the deck for her later that day as a thank you.”

Well, this was agreeable to Alex and off she went to have fun in the water with the rest of her cousins like nothing ever happened. Five hours later, however, as the girls were getting ready for bed, Alex reminded me about our deal with the Queen. We prepared a special bowl of sugar as promised and left it on the deck for a royal midnight snack.

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"Grandpa...,"

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"Grandpa, I really like you're hair," said with all the innocence of a four year old.


"What?" and he scooped her up as she erupted into little girl giggles ....,




Aren't Grandpas GREAT!!

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