Progress??

Regrets and worries marked this first day of school for me
Trepidation and anxiety for Rachel
Nervous excitement for Alex

Rachel's new ear. It's supposed to be this wonderful thing - but I'm not sure it is. She was fine before. Her ear was this cute little nub. She couldn't hear out of it - but it didn't seem to bother her at all. We did what we thought was best - we got it fixed. Functionally and asthetically (in theory).

But now that the surgery is behind us - I'm not so sure. There has been more attention called to her ear after the surgery than before, and the jury is still out on her hearing. The new ear is far more noticeable than the 'missing' ear ever was. It's big, gooey looking from the ointment, and different colors. Other children stare and inquire. One little girl was actually pretty nasty about it - but Momma Bear set her straight pretty quickly.

But I won't always be with Rachel, to fend off the stares and comments. At her old school, she was pretty tough. Confident and secure, with lots of friends, Rachel was better able or better prepared to fend for her self and verbally knock down the nastiness. But in her new school, with no friends, she's unsure and alone and scared. Her confidence is lacking and it makes her so vulnerable.

I fended off the comments and stares as well as I could this morning. I saw little Lennon staring intently at Lil' Ray's new ear, and true to form, I addressed it head on. "That's her new ear," I said. "Isn't it cool. The doctors gave her a new ear from the inside out - Cool, huh?"

"What happened to her other ear?" Lennon asked, as other kids started listening and looking.

"She was born without one," I explained. "and the doctors had to make a new one - from the ear drum out. And she got her ears pierced too."

Lennon continued to stare. Not quite sure what to make of it. "I think it's cute," one of the little girls said. "Cool!" said one of the boys.

After a few more sentences, Rachel pulled me close and, with a sad little look on her face said, "Momma, I don't want you to tell every one."

"OK, babe. I'm sorry. But you DO have the coolest ear in the school!"

"I know momma, but I just don't want you to tell everyone."

*sigh*

Rachel's my kid who doesn't like being the center of attention - good or bad. She's the kid who develops a few solid friendships, with many at the periphery - but a few loyal, close friends. She's smart and generous, but seems to draw her outward confidence and security from those relationships. (Oh little Corinnie! Where are you?!? Today would have been so different had we stayed in Poway :-(  )

I'm hopeful that the end of today will bring smiles and the beginnings of new friendships.

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