Indifference is the worst of all...,

Throughout my life, I've had the typical (and a few not-so-typical) mother-daughter issues. But once I had children I began to forgive (or try to) and overlook (or try to) a lot more than I ever had before. I tried to recognize my part in the strain of our relationship, change what I could and accept what I couldn't. I had this fantasy that my mother would somehow embody the spirit of her mother, who was the best Grandma EVER.

All the kids in the neighborhood loved her and called her Grandma. She was kind, patient, and generous. I never heard her raise her voice or speak ill of anyone. All of which is amazing when you consider what an ornery old cus my grandpa was. He loved his grandbabies - but disliked other kids and hated cats. We adored him too and he terrified our friends, who tried to sneak past him to visit with 'Grandma.'

But over the past four years, I've learned that some dreams and most fantasies don't come true. And, unlike some whose moms are over-involved or over-indulgent or nosy or bossy grandmothers - my mom has chosen really the most painful path of all. Indifference.

It BAFFLES me. (And you've seen my kids - doesn't it baffle you too?) These are her ONLY grandbabies!! And she lives just 20 minutes away. She doesn't call to see how the girls are, to ask if they'd like to come visit or if she could come see them. My girls are growing and thriving and she is entirely disinterested. We've seen her just 2X since Christmas and she lives here in San Diego! My husband's mom, who lives in Georgia, is more involved with our children.

She is retired, doesn't volunteer for anything or belong to any clubs. She doesn't go to the gym or see a multitude of friends or travel. She stays home with her husband day in and day out. Too wrapped in I don't know what to be involved with her grandbabies.

It breaks my heart. My grandma was a HUGE part of my life and I have such great memories of her and my grandpa. That was my fantasy for my kids. It was my dream - acceptably peppered with typical family 'stuff' but an abiding love for the kids. But it's not to be.

Indifference. It really is the worst of all.

In truth, I envy all of you who have over-involved or over-indulgent or nosy or bossy moms. At least they care enough to put in the effort. Give them a hug let them know that there is a woman out there who wants to rent out their grandparent services.